8 Ways to Be a Good Ally
TRIGGER WARNING!!! IT’S ABOUT TO GET SOCIAL JUSTICEY IN HERE GUYS! So hold on to your weaves, wigs, caramel macchiato from Starbucks, turn off your Fox News, and grab a cup of white people's tears because, in today's post, we’re going to talk about allies. What is an ally you might ask? According to Sheree Atcheson, award-winning global diversity, equity, and inclusion leader and contributor at Forbes Magazine, an ally is defined as someone who “actively promotes and aspires to advance the culture of inclusion through intentional, positive, and conscious efforts that benefit people as a whole.” In other words, an ally is somebody who goes out of their way to include the kid who sits by themself every day at the popular kid table so they do not feel excluded. You still there? Good! For those of us who are still reading, because they haven’t been sucked into their perceived victimhood or haven't been made uncomfortable due to their high levels of fragility, you may be wondering: how can I be a good ally to marginalized communities or people who may have the same privileges as me? Well, that’s why I am here. Here are 10 ways people can be an ally:
Number 1: Do Your Damn Research!
No! By doing your research, I do not mean going to ask your token non-white, LGBTQ+, Muslim, female, or physically or mentally disabled friend to explain to you the plight of their entire marginalized community. You might be thinking, why not go straight to the source? But guess what, DON’T. This is problematic because 1) you are making your token friend the voice of their entire community which is wrong. Marginalized groups are not a monolith, so everyone has different experiences and opinions. And 2) that puts pressure on your token friend to educate you which is incredibly exhausting and completely unfair to your friend who is a part of a marginalized community. So, my point is: if you can go on your phone to buy something from Amazon, you can research statistics on the gender pay gap. If you have time to make a Tik Tok or make an Instagram post, you have time to research the School to Prison Pipeline. If you can order DoorDash off your phone, you can research gender identity and the meaning of utilizing proper nouns. I’m just saying.
Number 2: Shut Up and Listen!
Raise your hand if you are a part of a marginalized community and somebody who is a part of a privileged community tried to tell how you should feel, how you should have responded, attempted to recount your experience, or tried to relate to you by telling a completely irrelevant story? I’m not raising one hand, but two hands. Because I have experienced all of the above. Now, you might be thinking by adding your opinion, you are “playing devil’s advocate,” “trying to get the other person to see another perspective,” show them what their experiencing is just unique to that community, or by trying to relate to them, that you are trying to help. Well, guess what you are not. If anything, you are just pissing people off and making people further not trust you. Think of it this way: remember when someone told you that something you were experiencing was “not that bad" or "it could’ve been worse?” It was infuriating and very invalidating wasn’t it? That’s how people of marginalized communities feel when you do not listen to them. So, as a suggestion, if I were you, if a person of a marginalized community is coming to you to share about an experience that they had, just ZIP YOUR LIPS. Thank you.
Number 3: Don’t Be A Wolf In Sheep’s Clothing
Yeah, I said it. Do not pretend to be something that you are not. Posting a black square on Instagram isn’t enough. Putting the rainbow flag over your social media picture isn’t enough. Basically, none of this stuff means anything unless you are doing real-life work that actually manifests into something. Being a good ally is so much more than a menial social media post. Sure, it looks good to the general public or people who may not know you. But, what are you REALLY doing behind the scenes? *Insert side eye* Do you say the N-word when listening to rap songs? Do you avoid hugs or showing feelings towards other men so people don't think you are gay? As the old saying goes, whatever happens in the dark always comes into the light. So watch what you do.
Number 4: Call Out People In Your Social Circles
Remember that time your Uncle Dale said the N-word at Thanksgiving dinner? Or when your friend Ryan said, “why can Mexicans jump so high? Because they’re used to jumping the border” and you thought it was hilarious? Tisk, tisk. I’m not impressed with you. The point is, silence is compliance. To be a good ally, one has to call out their friends and family for their problematic behavior. Even if it means losing a friend or becoming isolated by some family members. As a person of privilege, you have access to things people of marginalized communities do not. Not only that, your actions and words have more influence over the general population. I’m not saying that your Uncle Dale has to catch these at this year’s Thanksgiving dinner in the name of social justice and inclusion. But, you can let him know gently that his words are hurtful and have real-world implications.
Number 5: Get Uncomfortable
Yes, change can be scary. Especially when we are comfortable and might even benefit from the status quo. However, by being complicit in the status quo, you are prioritizing your own comfort at the expense of others and that is not what a good ally does. With that being said, it is time for you to step out of your comfort zone and start to point out how discriminatory systems privilege one and group disadvantage another.
Number 6: We All Make Mistakes
That time that you referred to your black female coworker as “sis” probably did not go over well. Or that time you addressed a group of Latinx people in your meeting as the “amigos” definitely earned you some side-eyes. Or, that time when you said your female lab partner was “good at math for a girl” in your college chemistry class probably earned you the title “Class Douche” without you even knowing it. The point is, we all make mistakes. Becoming a true ally requires trial and error. To be a good ally, one must actively recognize their mistakes and learn from them. You do not want to be the next Karen who goes on “Good Morning, America'' trying to justify what you said, what you did, and that you’re not prejudiced. Trust me, it’s not a good look. #NotCute.
Number 7: Promote The Voices of Marginalized Communities
According to CBS, only 3.2% of executive jobs belong to African Americans. Only 1% of the CEOs of Fortune 500 companies are black. According to the 2020 Hollywood Diversity Report, 91% of top-level positions are held by white people and 80% of those people are men. These statistics are just a small piece that shows unique and intersectional barriers that marginalized communities face getting their voices and stories heard. So, it's not enough to say that you feel bad and guilty about your privilege anymore. It’s time to act. The next time your boss asks for a recommendation on someone to promote, look to someone who is a part of a marginalized community. Recommend more books written by women and minorities at your local book fair. This is just a start, but there are many ways to use your own privilege to amplify the voices of disadvantaged peoples.
Number 8: Get Out There!
Join affinity groups and attend the meetings on campus at your university. Mentor employees from marginalized communities at your job. Attend rallies and protests. Put your money where your mouth is and donate to organizations that promote social justice and assist marginalized communities. The point is, get out there and show that your words match your actions.
This list is definitely not comprehensive, but it is a start for those who want to make a difference in society. What other traits make someone a good ally? Let me know what you all think in the comments.